My Eulogy for My Wife Karen Dinning Gibbs (1-4-53 to 11-19-11)
Curtis Gibbs eulogy for My Wife Karen Dinning Gibbs 11-23-11
Thank you for being here to honor my wife Karen and to support me, my family, and my closest friends who are also like family. I have known Karen since I was 15 at Venice high school where we met in 11th grade French. That was the only class we ever had together. On a whim and a chance I asked Karen to go to the Judy Collins concert at UCLA with me. Little did I know that Judy Collins was Karen’s favorite music artist. That semester marked the beginning of a friendship that lasted for 43 years, including 29 years of marriage, and 32 years living together. During that spring of 1969, we were companions going to movies, picnics, and discussing our dreams in life. Even at that age I learned that Karen had exceptional cooking and baking skills, such that she was bringing homemade brioches to school.
Our discussions over the last year have revolved around Karen’s desire to retire from her professional life and spend her time fixing our historic California bungalow, gardening, canning, sewing, scrapbooking, and helping shoshanah plan a wedding. Who knows what other projects she had in mind. And notice there is nothing about travel here. Maybe because we had already done so much, or maybe it was because it was a given that we would be travelling to Louisiana every six months, and that was a country onto itself. In the last 5 and a half years, all post Katrina, Karen and I visited Louisiana eleven times, and we would joke with Shoshanah that we had seen more of the state than she.
But getting back to Karen’s desire to retire. Karen loved working for Jewish Family Service Los Angeles. She loved the people, her job, and its mission. But Karen was frustrated that she had to wait for social security in order to retire, and thus wanted to win the California lottery to retire in style and write a big fat check to JFSLA.
From the beginning we have had very similar music tastes along with our passion for food. In fact our first two years living together in Seal Beach was cooking our way one country at a time thru The Complete Asian Cookbook by Indian-Australian Charmaine Solomon, the definitive Asian cookbook at that time, now considered a classic. But when it came to reading, we for the most part had very different interests. Yes there were some travel books we both read like the ones on Provence along with both of us having read the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings back in high school. And then without encouragement from her, I noticed the Hunger Games trilogy that she had just read on loan from Shoshanh, which I picked up and devoured. Very troubling but first rate young adult fiction now being made into a movie starring Jennifer Lawrence from Winter’s Bone.
But there was one book series she couldn’t understand why I hadn’t read and that was Harry Potter, especially since Shoshanah had discovered Harry Potter as an American first edition at Borders. Shoshanah told Karen that this book would be great for her brother Joshua. No one had heard of Harry Potter in America yet. Just Shoshanah. No wonder she is a book critic on her blog today, and possibly discovering the next Harry Potter or Hunger Games, while Joshua masters the healing arts.
So when Karen left the Long Beach Jewish Federation seven years ago, we became carpool and public transit buddies, on her way to Jewish Family Service in Beverly Hills. Boy was she glad when JFS moved to Koreatown, so she wouldn’t have to ride the Wilshire Rapid Bus which felt like third world service due to the overcrowding and the awful road conditions of Wilshire. The sooner we get our subway to the sea the better. Thus Karen was ecstatic when JFS moved to Koreatown. Only the Redline to work, after transferring from the Blue Line.
Anyway, back to Harry Potter. I told Karen that I would read the books, but we were going to do it by audio books during our carpool commuting time. It took us about 3 weeks per book to get through all seven, thus it turned out to be a six month project. The audio version with Mr. Dale doing all of the parts is like seeing the movies on steroids. After finishing a book in the car, we would then watch the movie. I am so glad Karen got to see book 7 on the screen.
We actually grew closer on these car rides, so close that I told Karen she would be taking thoughts right out of my brain, even with no outside stimuli. In addition, she would get annoyed at me, such that I would be having a conversation in my brain with her, and I would then speak in mid-sentence. Karen would say, what is going on, where is the first part of the sentence. I actually thought I was talking to her.
Our music interests and food interests evolved over the years such that the Stagecoach Music Festival for four years running was a major highlight. In addition to the music, we loved the barbeque competition. Karen adored the pictures that I took of country music stars such as Taylor Swift, Neko Case, Sara Watkins, and others which will take me to the next story.
So several years ago at Stagecoach, Miranda Lambert was playing on the Mane Stage and the stars of the former LA based punk band X, Exene Cervenka and John Doe were playing on one of the smaller stages with their country western band the Knitters. I wanted to take pictures of Miranda Lambert, and Karen along with her best friend Carol wanted to go see the Knitters. We went our separate ways, reuniting back at the Mane Stage later, and Karen said that I missed perhaps the greatest performance ever at Stagecoach. She said I had made a big mistake.
Anyway, a high school friend of mine also recently died. Scott Wannberg who in some ways is the John Fante of our time. I went to a memorial reading and party for Scott at Beyond Baroque and who should be there but Exene as her former husband Vigo Mortensen was Scott’s poetry publisher and Exene was a personal friend of Scott’s. Exene would be reading a poem later in the afternoon about Scott. And coincidentally, I had recently taken pictures of Exene at the Prospector around the corner from our house due to a heads up from Alice Wallace who will be playing for you and the end of this service.
So I told Exene that I was there at the Propsector taking pictures when she was raising funds for the spay and neutering clinic in Long Beach, and I proceeded to tell Exene how I had gone to see Miranda Lambert instead of her and John Doe for the Knitter’s performance. And how Karen thought I had made a major mistake. Exene then told me that sometimes one has to learn from their mistakes in life. And then she said to me. “Who is Miranda Lambert?”
TO BE READ BY RABBI LAIBSON FOR ME. IT IS TWO FINAL MOMENTS OF KAREN’S LIFE AND WHAT I WROTE IN KAREN’S VENICE HIGH SCHOOL ANNUALYEAR BOOK IN JUNE 1969
The last thing Karen did before she consented on her own to go on the ventilator was to order three Nicolette Larson CDs on my Ipad. Without my Ipad at the hospital, which was my lifesaver at Long Beach Memorial and was a vital communication link to the outside world, I would have gone nuts. I recently nominated the Hospital IT department for an Applause award for their blazing fast WiFi hotspot during the one month at the hospital.
The other final action was something Karen had started six months ago, in support of her sustainability goals. She had ordered and configured a 2011 Nissan LEAF, including color. This is a 100% electric vehicle. The car arrived at the dealership, three days after she went on 90 day disability. I asked Karen how in the world are we going to take on lease or car payments. Disability payments will run out in 90 days, and who knows, we may have a told loss of your income before you might get put on permanent disability. Karen said. I really want this car, and we will find a way to make those lease payments. So I signed the lease documents, all in my name, since Karen was not up to going with me to the dealer. Yes she test drove a LEAF. Yes she road in our new LEAF. But she never drove her dream car.
Anyway, this is what I wrote as a 11th grader in Karen Dinning’s Venice high school annual. I was already smitten with Karen, but a relationship was not to occur until 10 years later.
Karen - For some strange reason I like to be the first to write on a blank page. Maybe it symbolizes something in my character and maybe it doesn’t. I really could say a lot as the “files” in your mind can tell you. At the moment I think this should be written in such a way that it will mean something in the distant future. No matter how your philosophy is, you will always be a friend to me. Maybe one day we will be able to relate to each other with an understanding that has not existed for the 20 weeks I have known you. Then maybe you can reclassify me in your mind. Even though you think of me as being pessimistic and having no passion in being able to go all the way, one day I shall prove differently to you. Because I suppose that I managed to keep a part of me hidden from you. Maybe you shall one day see through it, and discover an aspect of me presently unknown to you. I am sorry that I proved to be a person with unrealistic ideas in regards to you, as I didn’t mean to. I sincerely wish you all the luck in the world in your private and public life.. Make those dreams come true.
Curtis Gibbs
P.S. Sorry I wrote so much, but there are really a lot of thoughts locked up in my mind from the past 20 weeks of my association with you.
CG
posted by Curt Gibbs @ 7:44 AM
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